CHEERS to you, PigSnot....and that's a big fat hell-to-the-fucking-NOT!!!  But, I'm sure you've read PRINCESS' post -- so, you should be all stocked-up on your cheap ass beer...........cause we're ready to raise a pretty-few on our end while you get FULLY POLARIZED on yours.  Do you know how seriously, like, LOTTERY-LUCKY that we STRONG, GORGEOUS, POWERFUL women would even consider having a drink "with" you?!?!?!?!??!?!  Ohhhh Myyy Giggity.....this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.  Don't fucker it up.

As PRINCESS so elloquently said, our wishlists are pig-padded for when you are good and PLASTERED and have to squint one pink eye to focus on that "ADD TO CART" button.  HAHAHAHHAHA.  It will be our pleasure bringing you down - again - and round-housing your pig-skin wallet.  Zippideeee doo dah.  I love to cause pig pain.  It feels sooooooo good.  Don't you agree? 

You better get your snot-juices flowin.....cause our total distain for you is in full force and effect!!  Now go pour yourself MANY boozie ounces and clickity-click....I can hear your hoofs now.  I want you so fucking piss-ass drunk that you CLEAR our wishlists and PISS that slimy, stanky, snotty pig bed of yours.  We want updates on that -- as seriously gaggin foul as it will be.

STEVIE

He yankie his vial pig wankie over buyin us MAD amounts of electronic goods!!

Try, try, try to struggle – how many FUCKING million times must we tell you…..it is fruitless.  Seriously, PigSnot????  You lasted all of like 45 days.  “Wahhhh, oink, oink, wahhh….I’m done.  I have no more money…waaahhh, I’m spent.  I’m maxed.  Oink-wahhh…..”  HAHAHAHA.  Pathetic, pointless, pontificating.  Like a swine needs its mud….you NEED to be our BITCH!!!  Always down on all fours, snout firmly on the clicker of our Amazon Wishlists. 

A constant chump for electronics – here is a snapshot of what your ssssssssshhhwine weakness led to:

This Bose SoundLink is SOOOOOO fucking awesome.  PRINCESS and I both got one and love it do PIG death.     All controlled through my iPhone 4 – which was also a dump-my-dollars purchase from ye ol weak Pig.  Wireless external drive, new Bose ear buds and a new, new cover for my Airbook, smaller Dyson air circulator.  DAMN, PigSnot….is your pink leather lifesaver sore?????  Cause we just keep fucking you up the ass and pullin out more $$$$$$$$$$$$$.....ahhahahah.  With pleasure. 

We have MUCH more on OUR lists for you!   You need to buy me that Adobe software for my Mac Airbook – you bought it, now load it up, Shit Fucker Pig Puppet.  I also want that grey dress – it will look gorge with all the shoes you’ve bought for STEVIE. 

Here's a lil reminder of how we LOVE to bask in your filthy, stinkin goodness:


FOCUS!!......on the dolla bills!!  Well, okay...it's hard not to focus on us, too....look at that cold, hard cash...and our matching Mac Airbooks.  PigSnot = LEWSER.....PRINCESS & STEVIE = WINNERS.

Don’t think we haven’t duly noted that April 15th has just passed....and we'll turn your SCROTUM into a fucking change purse if you don't hand over ANY and ALL semblance of a tax return.  Ya hear me?  Report back to PRINCESS with your return amoutn and we will watch it promptly evaporate....dollar....by....dollar.....into our Wishlist items.

As, always….you have your marching orders.  ...and you better not have any questions.  Just do it.

Stevie

Well, color me mother fuckin GIDDY!  PigSnot -- you are SO fucking fortunate you were allowed the opportunity to purchase such an AMAZING prezzie for an AMAZING woman.....my iPhone 4 finally arrived!  Yes, yet again....PRINCESS and I put a saddle on PigSnot and <CRACKED> the whip of submission.  There wasn't much of a struggle......................

Yepper, PigSnot duly obeyed my #1 commandment.....thou shalt BUY whatever STEVIE orders you to to buy!  PRINCESS & I were getting sick of your droning blather about being broke, about your cards being maxed, blah, blah, blah......oink, oink, oink.  Psha.  You quadruple-hoof-stepped-up per your marching orders....when minion duty calls, eh?  HAHAHA!

Here is my kick arrrrrrrrss phone:



I about tackled the UPS guy when he delivered this.  Dear my purdy, purdy iPhone, how do I love thee??? -- let me count the ways!  I'm tellin ya...it is totally RAD!  Hey Piggy?  How did that click feel?  WonderFUCKINGtastic???  I hear you then pulled even more paper from your pooper n bought PRINCESS a shit-load of goodies, too.  Pretty good for a pile of pink coagulated blubber of a "man".  Tic-toc -- TAX RETURN TIME, PIG!  My eye is squarely on my wishlist.  I'm sure your lil beadie pink eyes are, as well.  I'll load it up good for ya.  No worries...at least on my end, that is.  AHHAHAAHA!  Sucker.

FATMAC is BACK.  Well, he's never reeeallly gone -- ever -- right, Notorious F.A.T.?  Hellloooo Fatty!.....so, how's your rep at Nordstrom these days?  Do they know you bow to PRINCESS & STEVIE?  Do they know you are our shipping bitch boy?  Do they know you hand over your benjamins to make us happy? (well, and to make you happy)  Do they know you CAN'T STOP?  Judging by the look on the customer service ladies face when I asked her to load my gift card with your $300 virtual gift....as she looked at the words "to: boss lady" on the printout and said in her high-brow voice  "well, what a nice gift"....to which I said without hesitation..."as he should". She had NOOOOO idea how to respond -- she just cleared her throat.  HAHAHAH.  My guess is THEY ALL KNOW!  .....and ohhhhhhh they laugh.  INSIDE, that is.  Cause those old bags in customer service are wound so fucking tight -- and they trained to remain SO very proper. 

Here was the last booty I hauled from N'strom as I rode Fatty's wallet raw:



The fedora & mac makeup may not look like a lot -- but FATTY keeps US in only the best makeup $$$$$!!   I heart Mac makeup....and Fatty hearts payin for it.  Once he moved his fupa off the keyboard, he also did a little clickin on Amazon -- hawt Steve Madden wedge boots, nars bronzer and a 12 pack of 5 hour energy -- STEVIE NEVER SLEEPS!  ...and she needs all the energy she can to hold Fatty's face flush to the floor should he ever disobey.

I raise my glass to PRINCESS, to ME....and to a couple of worm-brained LOSERS who can get on their knees and be ever-so-grateful they were even mentioned in this post. 

Ciao.
STEVIE

I think I'll celebrate with some BACON this morning!!!!  Like clockwork, PigSnot reared his ugly snout and came back to OUR wishlists for validation of his loathsome, lame life!!   

I await my iPhone 4, you slime-fucked swine!  Good piggy <swift kick to the fatty, pink rib cage with my black patent stiletto>

Per usual, we WILL get more....and you will GIVE it....willingly.  HA!
STEVIE

Do I procrastinate or WHAT?  HAHAHAHAH!!!!!  You got a problem with that, fucker?  Well then, tell someone who gives a toss. 

So, back in December, Backboneless Bacon Bitch, aka: PigSnot,  knuckeled-down on all fours and, to PRINCESS’ and MY continued delight, opened up said wallet to the tune of, hmmmm, let’s see….i think it clocked in around $2k for EACH of us.  As the rules and regulations read – EQUAL OPPORTUNITY BEAUTY BOMBSHELLS!  One for PRINCESS, one for STEVIE, right spending Shhhhhwine?? 

Beholdeth the delightful December arrivals:

 

GORGE fuzzy Technica Boots for $450, $175 Seven for All Mankind jeans (hawt), $200 wireless scale, $200 juicer, $400 GPS/heart rate monitor watch – to mention a few of the choice items.  DUMB, DOLLAR DRAINED PIGGY SAYS WHAT? <what?>….EXACTLY. 

Hey PIG…..let’s do some math, shall we?  Write this equation on the blackboard in front of the class (which is comprised of ONLY PRINCESS & STEVIE decked out in heels, leather, designer jeans, high-end makeup – courtesy of your weakness) …..you, paying your credit cards down ASAP + you using your tax return for more amazon prezzies + you STARING into these GODDESS faces:

= YOU, fucked and SPENDING AGAIN!!!  Professor Stevie thinks that adds up quite nicely.  Did it make your schoolboy nutsack shrivel in fear, PigSnot?  Mission accomplished.  Now get back to your seat and click, dunce. 

ON TO THE NEXT ONE.......come early this January, I heard the ground around me a-rumbling...an early winter earthquake? ...a convoy of construction trucks?  Chaz Bono?  Close, but no cigar!!!  ….it was FATMAC!  Yes, yes, yes….big ol boy came double-bouncin back to boss lady, Stevie, with a $200 Nordstrom Gift Card in outstretched sausage-bloated hand.  He just loooooves to take care of those who could, would and WILL WHOMP is ass in a nano-second.  So, FatMac – how does it feel to be double-teamed by some strong-ass visions of PERFECTION??  Continued living dream come true?  Man, your fupa must be draggin the ground from all the beat-downs you’ve been enduring.  AHHAHAH. ENDURING?!!?  Surely, I jest.  We KNOW you can’t get enough.  So keep up the BOWING down (but don’t let all that blubber cut off your circulation - we need you alert and chipper to keep US surrounded in your gifts).  Oh yeah, and while you’re down there…kiss Urban Meyer’s buckeye feet!

In closing........................eat shit and BUY.  I made a funny....and the best part?...at your EXPENSE....LITERALLY!
STEVIE

  

So, these screaming, crying, hyper-ventilating, spazing, halleluiah-ing ladies on these daytime talk shows --- gettin complimentary Christmas & holiday loot from the likes of Oprah & Ellen.....tvs, makeup, cashmere sweaters, cameras...................................

WELL, SUCK.............ON.............THIS, ya puckering ASS WINKERS!

PRINCESS and STEVIE get allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll of that - times 100 - without ever leaving the comfort of our homes....and delivered right to our beautiful, worshiped feet, RIGHT, PigSnot?????  HAHAHAHAHHA.  I just laugh my ass of when these talk-show groupies get their stanky panties in a bunch when Ellen gives them some bunk dvd player and some pidly-ass gloves - YAWNNNN....DROOOOL.  Wake me up when my UPS guy gets here!!!!  Those tv tartes would roll over and DIE if they got a haul like THIS on a regular basis:



With PigSnot on all fours for US --iIt's OPRAH'S FAVORITE THINGS and The TWELVE DAYS OF ELLEN every single fucking day around here!!  AHAHAHAHAHAHA.  ....and ya can't buy tickets...this is a private show <wink> SUCKERS.  

My run when somethin like this...cashmere sweaters/capes, michale kors bomber jacket, shoes shoes shoes!!!!, ski jacket & ski pants, mac software, down coat, seven for all mankind jean jacket, shark vac, makeup, hair products, workout dvd, down comforter, makovski purse........excuse me while I clear my throat.......ME ME ME ME ME!!   Allllllll for ME.  ....and PRINCESS got the same.  Cause PS knows we're a package deal.  JUST LIKE THE WONDER TWINS!!!  Woner-twin powers ACTIVATE!! Stevie, "form of......a diamond incrusted PIG PROD!!!"  PRINCESS, "form of....a red patent SPIKED STILETTO"  <prod> <kick> <prod> <stab> <zap> <stomp> <round house> <pound> <prod>.  That would be one hellllluva comic book.  I need to track down an illustrator. 

By now, you can see that  the REPUGNANT PIG just can't refrain.  He renewed his credit cards, opened new ones...and proceeded to define the word "MAXED OUT" to a T.  ....and we clearly witnesses the results of the damage.  PRINCESS and I had beaten paths to our doors by the delivery Gods --- and PS's had his path to his mailbox beaten down with deliveies of huuuuge credit card statements.  Gotta luuurrrrve that dynamic.

So, there ya have it.  Oh yeah --- one last note -- which, should really be a footnote.  But, lower than a footnote.  Low like a piece of shit, good for nothin, obese piece of fleece on the bottom of my beautiful shoe footnote.....yep, that's you, FatMac.  My birthday came and went this year without so much as a peep from your big ol cake hole.  Shall I give you the benefit of the doubt and assume it was a simple oversight?  I am expecting your yearly Nordstrom offering.  However, don't make me "expect" for too long.  You had a good thing goin with Boss Lady.  I'm having visions of rippin into that FUPA in front of my spinning class if this isn't made right. 

See ya -- wouldn't wanna be ya.
STEVIE

We're gonna slide into the end of 2011 with a BANG!!!!!  Right, PigSnot??  Amazon is swipin your card thru your stanky pig slot right now!!!

The LOSER pig who sucks at EVERYTHING in life but buying treats for PRINCESS & STEVIE apparently maxxxxxxxxed the fuck outta every piece of plastic in his pointed, piggy hooves.  What a RIOT!!  We love it.  So, since his loser swineness couldn't stand not buying for us for one itty bitty second -- he promptly went out and opened NEW credit cards.....just so he could feed his undeniable ADDICTION called--US!!!


Oh the hilarity each time he sends us these pathetic little emails saying he just can't do it any more.  Wahhahahhhhhhhh -- don't waste your keyboard clicks, piglicker.  Dunno bout PRINCESS, but I click "DELETE" before I read the first few words.  ...................and......................like clockwork, the UPS peeps continue to dance down my driveway like something out of a broadway show.  I have two different UPS delieverers who might as well pitch a fucking tent in my front yard.  Better yet, PS.....let's pay for UPS to build a couple of hubs -- one for STEVIE & one for PRINCESS.  I'm sure it would save them a lot of petroleum!  HAHAHHAHAHA. 


Back to your squeeeeeeeeeeky new cards, PS.  They will, undoubtedly, be in a bazillion shreds when you are done.  But, as you know, there is never a "DONE" when it comes to US.  This is a perpetual, permanent, priceless & painfully-beautiful way to live, huh, pink one??  We know you wouldn't trade it for anything.  

Latest loot, you all ask??  Get ready to feast your beady lil eyes, loser beeeeeeoootch-boys:




Are your eyes tired just LOOKIN at all of that Amazon glory???? Imagine how my UPS people feel with this haul??   ....................and how EN FUEGO pig snot's credit card is!!??  and how sore his loser-ass hoof is from alllll that clickin!!   WHEW!  If you are following this ball-bustin binge -- you know that PigSnot MUST double up on everything he buys.  One for MOI - one for PRINCESS.  NO EXCUSES, NO EXCEPTIONS.  So.....let your lame-ass imagination run wild.  Those FUCKERS at Amazon have been BUSY, BUSY, BUSY!!

PRINCESS and I roll around in our uber-beauty and laugh every day as we are surrounded by sooooo many prezzies - on PS's dime.  We SO fucking deserve it....and you all deserve to be loathe-some losers that we literally gag about with the mere thought of you.  <ACK> 

Speaking of lothesome-losers....not sure what you OTHER blithering idiots are doing, besides being fucking voyeur-lurkers and gettin your filthy, disgusting rocks off by reading up on our journals.........................how bout you scoop your jaws up off the floor and be like PigSnot.  We LOVE new and existing (FatMac - awfully quiet, my ENORMOUS WORSHIPING FUPA BOY, Fagarina - i just threw up in my mouth thinking of you, et al) pussy-boy puppets.  Make your lives useful -- do the right thing -- click for the only ones that matter in this world.....PRINCESS & STEVIE.  .....and thank me for even suggesting you do so.  

As I sign off with my beautiful fingers gently tapping this out.......this is the part where - if i had a dick, i'd tell you to suck it and die.  HAHAHAHAHAHA. 

The Beautiful & Powerful Stevie

BOSE & BREVILLE -- couple of high-ass end names -- that is, if you know ANYTHING, you vermin-ridden minions.  ...and some Steve Madden boots, new spinning shoes, Dr. Dre Beats, Adidas wear, cooling pad for my COMPUTERzzzzz (plural! :)....and a bitchin Logitech Universal Remote.  Now, PRINCESS and STEVIE are both well versed in computer/tech shit....but mother fucker, if this remote isn't givin us a run for our money.  We won't be defeated, EVER.  This little electronic won't get the best of us.  I'm sure it does everything but wipe our pretty little asses once it is all programed to the hilt. 

To be continued......

Stevie.
PS......PigSnot's purchasing prowess for PRINCESS & STEVIE is CRAPTASTIC!  Bwhahhahahahahahahahhahahah!

Check this out....at most typical pig roasts -- the pig has an apple SHOVED in their DEAD ASS mouths.  Instead, there were MANY, MANY pretty, gleaming apples delivered to STEVIE & PRINCESS' doorsteps:




Apples, apples, EVERYWHERE!!!   ....as PRINCESS & I coined PigSnots epic purchases......the "MAC DADDY" and the "BABY MAC"!!!!!!!!  The 27" Mac Desktop All-In-One ....and for our light-weight traveling pleasure...the "baby mac"....the air book.  i LUUUUUUUV!!   .......................n every little fuggin apple accessories we could ever, ever want.  Software, trackpad, superdrive, time capsule, batteries, apple TV, cables, chargers!!!  Let's just say -- PigSnot completely vacated his piggy bowel on these purchases.  Keep in mind, you undesirable fools who are reading along........................we DEMANDED TWO (2) OF EVERYTHING.  So, with each click -- it was a DOUBLE WHAMMY.   No doubt, he felt the DOUBLE CACKLE that came from us.  We met up last week to go out on the town and PRINCESS took this priceless pic -- dedicated to PigSnot.  Note the $250 Tom Ford shades.....oh, I wear them well, don't cha think?:



FUCK OFF and EAT SHIT, Piggy Bitch Boy.   You LOVE it. 

This ends chapter two of the never ending plowing we perpetrated on PS!!
Turn the page, pussies....
Stevie

Holy smoking OWNED pig!!!  Happy belated Labor Day to all of you.....FUCKING NOT!  Seriously, if ANY of you desperate douche-cakes have been following PRINCESS' and MY month+ long shopping extravaganza....................then you are well aware that what's left of PigSnot amounts to nothing but a dried-up pig carcass.  We feasted like hyenas on PigSnot til he could take no more and we loved every, tasty minute of it.  As you know, don't expect any less of US when we want something -- many things -- many, many things -- many, many, many, many, many things.  HAHAHAHAHA!!! 

Let's start with some historical documentation of the delectable damage:



Don't get your balls in a bunch just yet ----- this is JUST the beginning.  I ADORE my fucking Breville Juicer  --  it is the Ferarri of juicers.........vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrooooom.  ....and that VIZIO  tv is like no other.  Wireless bad as mama jamma.....fuck hooking computers up to a tv to stream.  All I do is break out the qwerty keyboard/remote and have my way with the internet.  Thank God for fucking progress.  It bows down to me.  Wireless radio & wireless tuner, guess platforms, steam hair rollers, Sony camera office for MAC and Apple accessories......ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hell to the yeah, there will be more Apple details to come.

Keep turnin the pages, pointless peeps.  You'll see a story of one BROKE PORK FUCKER unfold before your eyes.
Stevie